In a rare interview, the normally media-shy Rob Hunter grants lucky reporter, Jenny Smoot, an exclusive...

I: It’s a great pleasure to meet you.
R: Thank you. I wish I could say the same.
I: *laughs*. That’s very good.
R: *stares*
I: Anyway, tell me a bit about yourself.
R: I’m a comedian.
I: Yes, I know that. What about some of the things that people might not know?
R: I don’t like to be interviewed.
I: Oh, really? I didn’t know that. Why not?
R: I already know the answers to the questions.
I: Yes, well that’s the point.
R: What is?
I: You give me the answers and then everyone knows.
R: Seems unfair.
I: How’s that?
R: I don’t really get anything out of the process.
I: What would you like?
R: Tickets to my next show.
I: I think you probably get in for free.
R: Why don’t I just go to every show then?
I: I assume you probably do.
R: A lucky guess.
I: Anyway, if I could just get some straight answers, then we’ll be done quite quickly and I can leave you in peace.
R: I no Englais, signor.
I: I know you speak English, Rob. I’ve been talking to you for the last few minutes.
R: Are you calling me a liar?
I: Yes.
R: Touché.
I: Look, I only need a couple of quick answers, then it will all be over. Okay? It’s just a matter of asking a few questions.
R: I’m sorry. You’re breaking up. I’m going through a tunnel.
I: I can see you. You’re sitting right in front of me.
R: Go ahead, then. College boy…
I: Favourite musician?
R: Garfunkel.
I: I see…Favourite food?
R: Leftovers.
I: Of what?
R: Pumpkin.
I: Interesting. Least favourite food?
R: Pumpkin.
I: Are you going to answer these questions properly or aren’t you?
R: That’s right.
I: What’s right!? Gosh darn it to heck…
R: Hey! You watch your language around me, mister, or so help me I’ll slap that pickle right off your smiling chops.
I: What does that mean?
R: Do you want to find out?
I: No…
R: Then get on with it.
I: Favourite number?
R: 27.
I: Why?
R: It’s the month I was born in.
I: Greatest fear?
R: Shoes with no laces.
I: How come?
R: How do they stay on the feet?
I: I don’t know... And one more: If you could have any one thing in the world, what would it be?
R: Two sandwiches.
I: That’s two things.
R: You’re really starting to grate my cheese. You know that?
I: I’m just doing my job. And might I say you’re not making it very easy.
R: *Smashes bottle on table*
I: Whoa! I didn’t mean it! Get away from me!
Interview terminated.