Ask Derwood

Walter Crayons – Bear disguised as post box

2

This month’s letter comes from Walter Crayons of Landtown, Western Australia. Walter writes: Dear Derwood, I do not mean to cause alarm but there has been a bear dressed as a post box standing outside my house for quite some time. His disguise is ingeniously cunning in that he has painted him

Read More

Stephanie Biscuits – Urgent T-shirt query

0

This month’s letter comes from Stephanie Biscuits of New Texas, California. Stephanie writes: Dear Derwood, After watching the premiere of Ghostbusters at the local Cinematorium, I went to buy a milkshake with my friend at the corner milkbar. Unfortunately while crossing the street my friend b

Read More

Benjamin Hathead – Bartering, fairness and hammers

0

This month’s letter comes from Benjamin Hathead of Pickleton, Western Australia. Dear Derwood, I am a big fan of the barter system. It is amazing what you can buy in return for your own natural skills and ingenuity. For example just last month I bought a new car without any money whatsoever! I

Read More

Marcus Foo – Dog problem

0

This month’s letter comes from Marcus Foo of Ferntree, North Brekfuss. Dear Derwood, My pet dog has recently become very lethargic. He shows little interest in fetching a ball, his nose is conspicuously dry and light-shaped, his legs have become bony, round and have halved in number, and he rarely

Read More

Henry Tastic – Staring At The Sun

0

This month’s letter comes from Henry Tastic of Bread, Nebraska. Henry writes: Dear Derwood, Is it true that if I stare at it hard enough, the sun will give me magic powers? So far all I have acquired is blindness. It’s pretty good but I would not call it magic. Henry Tastic.   Dear Henr

Read More

Polly Armhand – Standing Ovations

0

This month’s letter comes from Polly Armhand of West Turkey, America. Polly writes: Dear Derwood, I recently attended the theatre to see a show. It was terrible. The storyline lacked flow, the character development was non-existent and the lead actor was hardly believable. I could not wait for

Read More

Melvin Eggshoe – X-Ray Vision

0

This month’s letter comes from Melvin Eggshoe of New Jersey, Spain. Dear Derwood, If you have X-ray vision and you look into a mirror, do you see your own insides or the insides of the mirror? This is freaking me out. Sincerely, Melvin Eggshoe.   Dear Melvin, Mmm, X-Ray vision – the

Read More

Eustace Woonie – Cafe Change Plates

0

This month’s letter comes from Eustace Woonie of Melbourne, Australia. Eustace writes: Dear Derwood, As a shy introverted type, I do not venture outdoors much unless very hungry or if my house is on fire but on a rare journey into town something odd happened. I went to a cafe, which I have don

Read More

Terrance Carrots – Scooby Snack Dilemma

0

This month’s letter comes from Terrance Carrots from West Adelaide, Queensland. Terrance writes: Dear Derwood, It has recently occurred to me that whatever company manufactured and sold Scooby Snacks had the smallest of niche markets possible – one dog. And sure he liked them. He liked t

Read More

Randolph Sack – Ear Problem

0

This month’s letter comes from Randolph Sack of Texas, France. Randolph writes: Dear Derwood, I seem to bleed a lot from my ears. Is this normal? It sure hurts a lot and my shoulder-sitting parrot is frightened. What should I do? Regards, Randolph Sack.   Dear Randolph, Yes, parrots are e

Read More