Randolph Sack – Ear Problem

This month’s letter comes from Randolph Sack of Texas, France. Randolph writes:

Dear Derwood,

I seem to bleed a lot from my ears. Is this normal? It sure hurts a lot and my shoulder-sitting parrot is frightened. What should I do?

Randolph Sack.


Dear Randolph,

Yes, parrots are easily startled. Bleeding from the ear is generally not great, possibly even ungood, but whether it is ‘normal’ depends very much on your occupation or hobbies. For instance, if you are a carpenter or noodle salesman, then yes – to consistently bleed from the ear is indeed strange. Then again, if you happen to be a professional knife-listener or frequently attend jazz concerts, then bleeding from the ear is entirely normal.
Whatever the cause, you should really get it checked out. Ears are vitally important in today’s society for hearing, smelling and for resting our glasses on. It is for this reason that I recommend seeing a doctor (medical or witch) and devising a suitable course of action.
Let me assure you that as an ex-victim of ‘blood-ear’ I sympathize with your plight. I cannot tell you which organization I was formerly affiliated with but as ‘Grand Dragon’ of it, I know firsthand how annoying ear-blood can be and just how difficult the stains are to get out of white robes and hoods.
Go see that doctor, friend, and remember – ‘cleansing’ is not only for our hands.

Your pal,